If you want to get your ex back–or just want to make them regret losing you–the best way to do this is by using social media, and specifically Instagram. 

The reason is simple: if they can tell you’re trying to make them jealous then it’s not going to work. Think about it, if they know you’re doing this on purpose then they’ll know that you’re still hung up on them and obsessing about how they think and feel.

Even if they do feel a little jealous, it won’t matter because they’re going to be scared away by your desperation.

This is why reaching out to them directly and telling them what you’ve been up to won’t work, even if you think you’re being subtle.

But social media works because it seems like you’re just putting it out there for the world. They might suspect it’s for their benefit but they’ll never know for sure.

And even better, they’ll worry that you’re doing it to try to attract someone else…maybe that guy or girl they always worried about when you two were together. This is going to work wonders if you want them to see what they were missing. 

The truth is jealousy is a very powerful emotion and it beats logic every time. If your ex is jealous then they’re not going to be thinking about why they ended things.

They’re not going to be thinking about anything except how to get you back. 

So trust me when I say, jealousy is your best bet when it comes to recapturing your ex’s heart. If you want your ex back you want them to be jealous.

But why is this? Well, a lot of people try to get their ex back by convincing them that there are logical reasons to try again.

In all my time doing this, I’ve never seen it work. Love isn’t about logic, it’s about attraction. You need to start by rebuilding that attraction before you do anything else. And making them jealous is the first step.

If they think you’re desired and wanted by other people, if they think you’re having a great time without them, if they think that you’ve moved on, then they will feel insecure and begin chasing you. People want what they can’t have because it seems more valuable…plain and simple.

So how do you make it happen? Making your ex jealous is a subtle art. As I said, it’s all useless if they can tell that you’re doing it on purpose.

This is why social media is your best friend. Social media gives you the ability to influence your ex without directly contacting them. Here’s how you make it happen:

1. Start posting.

If you don’t post often, this breakup is your chance to change that. Don’t go crazy but if you’re able to post a new picture or tweet every day then you’re on the right track. Instagram and snapchat stories are great for this because it’s not unusual to post five times in a day and you can even see when your ex checks it!

2. Focus on fun

Keep your posts positive and sunny. It’s tempting to try to use cryptic tweets or negative quotes or song lyrics to make your ex feel bad for dumping you but that’s not going to get them back.

It’s only going to reinforce their decision to dump you. And while you’re at it, skip the posts of you lying on the couch eating doritos.

Keep your posts fun and funny and your ex will see a new side of you and start to reevaluate their decision.

3. Improve your appearance

When we get into a relationship it’s pretty common to let ourselves go a little. We don’t always make the effort to look our best because we’re off the market so we don’t feel that pressure. Well now’s the time to change that.

You need to make some changes and improvements to your appearance. Get a new haircut. Buy some new clothes.

Get a skin care routine going. It doesn’t take a lot. You just have to show positive movement despite the breakup.

When your ex sees you they’ll have that “who’s that” moment for a split second and that will get them off guard. This new you can be whoever you want it to be. Piercings, tattoos, fancy nails, a mustache. Go big or go home. 

Plus, getting a new haircut is a great excuse to post a picture.

4. Be mysterious

It’s tempting to show off every aspect of your life on social media and to brag about all the fun you’re having when you’re trying to make your ex jealous.

But I’ve found my clients have more success when they keep things a little mysterious.

If you can make your ex wonder about you, their mind will run wild. This is more effective if they don’t know for sure what you’re doing or who you’re with.

This is a great way of influencing them without having to do anything at all. With that in mind if you use mysterious captions and don’t be super obvious about who you’re with or what you’re doing, it will drive them crazy.

So instead of posting ten photos from an event, post two. Instead of tagging everyone in the photo, leave it untagged. It’s subtle changes like this that can make the difference.

5. Don’t talk to their friends

This goes for real life too but many people are tempted to reach out, hit on, and flirt with their ex’s friends to make them jealous.

This can backfire pretty easily. I mean, what’s the best case scenario? Hooking up with your ex’s best friend, sister, or boss will make them jealous but it won’t make them want you back. Use your head.

6. Take better selfies

You don’t have to be a bombshell to take flattering selfies. Your ex was attracted to you before. All you need to do is post photos where you look even slightly better than they remember and they’ll want to see more.

Proper lighting is key. Ditch the dirty bathroom mirror. Get a friend to take the photo so you can get a better angle. Take a bunch and pick the best one.

Practice makes perfect so start taking more selfies and you’ll get more comfortable in front of the camera. Remember, you don’t have to post them all.

An ideal selfie has a good background. If you’re nervous, it’s great to post a selfie at an event, with friends, or doing something fun.

7. Show don’t tell

Some of my clients take my advice very literally. If you post “having lots of fun with my friends lately. #blessed” it can look weird and desperate especially if it’s out of character for you. 

Whereas a photo of you at an outdoor barbecue with a drink in your hand surrounded by people having fun is going to work wonders. It’s important to tell a story without it looking like you’re trying to.

8. Try new things

A breakup is a great chance to try new things. I’ve covered in depth why this can help get your ex back in other videos but it’s a great way to get out of your comfort zone and stop thinking about the breakup.

But these new activities can work double duty. Post photos of yourself trying new things. Maybe kayaking, rock climbing, travelling.

It can be as simple as going to a new restaurant. If your ex sees you levelling up your hobbies and your life without them, they’re going to start thinking about you differently and worrying that you’re moving on.

9. Post photos with attractive people

If you’re serious about making your ex jealous, it can help to post pics with attractive people. If they think you might have replaced them with a better model, they’re going to be kicking themself and blowing up your phone before you know it.

If you can get a quick snap of you standing close to someone attractive with both of you smiling, you’re on the right track. Just post the pic on your ig story without a caption and they’ll fear the worst. 

Bonus points if they’re hotter than your ex.

10. Take breaks

If you post too much you may actually hurt your chances. In effect, you’re weaning them off you by still providing them with updates on your life and giving them a chance to see you even if it’s not directly.

This is why you should randomly take a few days off here and there. Make them wonder where you are. If you’re suddenly MIA they may think that your phone is off because you’re in bed with someone else.

Nine times out of ten it’s when you’ve been offline for a couple days that you get that message you’ve been waiting for.

Dave Barker

Breakup Coach

About the Author

Dave Barker is a breakup and 'ex back' coach with over a decade of experience helping clients repair and improve romantic relationships.

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